Natural vs. Unnatural

I've been doing some more reading these days. I was just enlightened by this paragraph from Scott Peck's book, The Road Less Traveled. I loved it and wanted to share it. It's a good argument for change when people say or believe that change is not possible.

"The tendency to avoid challenge is so omnipresent in human beings that it can properly be considered a characteristic of human nature. But calling it natural does not mean it is essential or beneficial or unchangeable behavior. It is also natural to defecate in our pants and never brush our teeth. Yet we teach ourselves to do the unnatural until the unnatural becomes itself second nature. In deed, all self-discipline might be defined as teaching ourselves to do the unnatural. Another characteristic of human nature - perhaps the one that makes us most human - is our capacity to do the unnatural, to transcend and hence transform our own nature."
- Scott Peck (The Road Less Traveled)

Confidence: The Need for Love

My brother was embarrassed for me when I posted on Facebook that I was reading a book called Confidence: How to Succeed at Being Yourself. So I'm sure he'll be even more embarrassed for me when I blog about it. So here I go... :)

First of all let me just say this: Who could not use more confidence? Oh sure we all know people who seem to have too much confidence. But is that confidence or is that just cockiness covering an inadequacy? I'm not entirely sure. I only know that this book was full of great skills for living to your best ability. McGinnis covers several topics related to confidence but in the end it seemed to come down to one topic, that of love. The need to be love and to loved. This section was my favorite from the book and I hope I'm okay to share it here:

---

The Need for Love

Human beings are made for love, and I find that many of my clients forget that. They scramble to shore up their self-images with various techniques, without giving sufficient attention to the source from which they will get help most readily -- good friendships. They make all sorts of protests -- that they're too busy, that they've learned to live without needing anyone, that they can't trust people, that they are really loners and prefer solitude. But it is all a smoke screen, and underneath lies a powerful aching to love and be loved.

Many people make the mistake of supposing that they will be happy only when they find the right man or the right woman to marry, neglecting the essential arena of friendship. Few of us are ready for a sexual relationship until we have learned to sustain a friendship. We do not have to marry to be happy, but we do have to have some love, and that can be found in the right type of friendships. The irony is that the persons who begin to relax in some solid friendships with people of the same sex -- and stop worrying so much about meeting the man or woman of their dreams -- begin to be much more attractive to the opposite sex. Friendship appears to be the best springboard to romance.

There is another reason to put more emphasis on friendship and less on romance: with the realities of divorce and death, most of us will have to spend at least some part of our adult lives unmarried, so it is a poor strategy to put all our eggs in one basket. We could find ourselves entirely bereft of love when something happens to our mate. When a man says to me, "I don't need any other friends -- my wife is my best friend," I do not applaud. He is putting too much pressure on his marriage, for there is no way any one person can meet all your emotional needs. To expect your mate to do so is to ask an impossible thing. Moreover, I fear for the man when, God forbid, he finds himself without his wife. Your mate should be your best friend, but not your only friend.

How does one go about building a circle of sustaining relationships? Most of my clients think the problem is in finding a place to meet new people. But the basic answer is not in meeting more people, it is in deepening the relationships we presently have. Many of us have acquaintances who could be promoted to friends, some friend who could be promoted to a good friend. It may seem easier to begin with someone new, but the best source of love is probably in your present circle of family and friends.

Alan Loy McGinnis
Confidence: How to Succeed at Being Yourself
Pages 155-156

"Thank You" is Not Hard

It's pet peeve time. Brace yourself.

This morning I ran to the post office to pick up a package that needed my signature to be delivered. Of course I got to spend more time in line that I really wanted to but it should have been expected. While waiting, I like to people watch. There was a guy in line behind me. When he first got in line he interrupted the teller helping the current customer to ask a few questions so that he could start filling out the right packaging. I thought that a bit rude but whatever. He was a youngish guy. I noticed that he was mailing applications or some sort of form off to various universities. As the line moved forward he left his wallet and keys back where he first entered the line. Soon another lady came in after him. She said "Excuse me, are these yours?" His reply was "Yeah, I'm going to need those." He was friendly enough about it I guess. I just thought, would it be that hard to say "Thank you." Maybe it was because he already annoyed me by interrupting the current customer. In any case, I think "thank you" is always appropriate and should even be necessary.

I love to hold the door for people at stores. Doesn't matter man or woman, old or young. But then I like to observe who says "thank you." Try it out. You might be surprised at who remembers to say thanks. I always am.

Don't Loose Your Lunch

If you have someone in your work who likes to take your food, here is one possible solution to rid yourself of the sandwich pilferers at your office.

The Anti-Theft Lunch Bag

Today's Thought: Dream Big

I was just reading another blog and on it the guy was listing all these things that he wanted to accomplish and some of them were maybe a little "out there." He also listed a several of his dreams that he had accomplished. Both lists were pretty long. But what I really liked about the posting was that he then listed the following quote by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland from a CES fireside that was related to dreams. I liked it so much that I wanted to share it here:

"God expects you to have enough faith and determination and enough trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. In fact, He expects you not simply to face the future (that sounds pretty grim and stoic); He expects you to embrace and shape the future—to love it and rejoice in it and delight in your opportunities.

"God is anxiously waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can’t if you don’t pray, and He can’t if you don’t dream. In short, He can’t if you don’t believe" (bold added).

All too often I'm a pessimist about what I or others can or cannot do. Sounds like I need to adjust my thinking and dream big!

My Favorite New Game

For years I have always looked much younger than I am. And for years I hated that. To date when people see my mission photos they say stuff like, "Did you go on a mission at 16 or what?" And while on the mission everyone always thought that I was the junior companion. When I got done with BYU I was so excited to grow a little facial hair and finally look a little older. It's true that people have largely misjudged my age for year. But I am now to the point that I'm really enjoying this.


A few weeks ago my friend invited me to double with him and his girlfriend, who was visiting from Idaho for the weekend and with her roommate. I had no idea how old the girls were and apparently the one I was "with" had no idea how old I was. During the evening I mentioned something about my age. Ryan's girlfriend looked at him like "I thought we weren't going to talk about this!" And she looked a little panicked. Ryan then informs us all that they didn't tell her how old I am. You see I am 40. Ryan is 36. His girlfriend is 28. And the roommate is 24! Before the ages were revealed though I played my favorite new game: Guess My Age. She guessed I was 33 tops.

Today I went to shop for a new car. After a little small talk with the salesman, he had determined that I might know the owner of the dealership because he went to Orem High School also. Once again I played my favorite new game: Guess My Age. The salesman thought I was 28! He did a double take when I informed him that I'm 40. But it was a good sales job. I wanted to buy the car right then and there. :)

So the moral is this: for all you young ones out there (I'm not sure there are any young ones reading this) don't worry when people think you are younger than you are. Because one day that is really going to work for you.

Evening (the Movie)

Last Saturday, I finally got around to watching a movie that I had Tivoed several months ago. It's kind of a "chick flick." But if you know me, you know that I like those "chick flicks." (As long as it's not Twilight.) The movie is Evening. The screen play was written by Michael Cunningham who also wrote novel, The Hours. I liked The Hours movie quite a bit. Later read the book and liked it even more. It's not my typical bounty hunter/private detective novel but I really enjoyed the writing style. I found it hard to put down.

In addition to liking Michael Cunningham's works, the movie has a cast of A-list actors: Meryl Streep, Claire Danes, Toni Colette, Vanessa Redgrave, Glenn Close, and more. The story actually quite sad, but again, sometimes, I like sad movies. The plot follows two friends and how they followed two very different paths in life. One did what was expected of her and some might say she had a very boring life. The other followed her every whim and had what many would consider a very turbulent life. Towards the end of the movie, Lila the more conservative of the friends, says this about life in general, "We are mysterious creatures, aren't we? And at the end so much of it turns out not to matter." I love a good quote and this one struck me. We spend so much time and effort concerning ourselves with many frivolous topics that in the end really carry no weight in our eternities or even in this life. We worry and fret about things really shouldn't consume us as they do.

Words to Live By

Today I was blog stalking the wife of my brother's friend, rabidrunner. Today she quoted someone that spoke in her church meetings on the previous Sunday. Here is what the speaker said:

We define ourselves by our actions in dark times.

Very simple but yet very profound. I decided to incorporate it into my desktop wallpaper. And then felt the need to share it on my blog. I'm sure I (and probably you) have heard similar statements to this one, but for some reason this time I was quite inspired by it. I find the statment very true. It makes me then think how I am defining myself. So with this reminder on my computer screen I am hopeful to be reminded that my actions show my true character. Maybe this quote can help you too. Or maybe you've already got that mastered. If so, good job!

Boys Stink!

I was recently at a gathering of several single adults. (Some of you reading this may have even been there.) It was a fun time and there was lots of laughs. I definitely had a good time. Afterwards though I got to thinking about something that was said somewhat in jest while there. Before I mention what was said, I just want to let you know that I'm not offended by the statement and actually generally agree with it. It might be I was not offended because I don't feel that I represent the stereotype presented.

Anyway back to the story. It was a mixed crowd with several guys and several girls. One of the girls mentioned that boys stink. Not figuratively. Literally. I don't disagree with her assessment and in fact sometimes I do stink. I dare say some boys always stink. And when I do stink I'll be the first to admit it. But for the most part I don't stink. Anyway, I was just thinking, what if I would have said that girls stink? Or better yet, if I girls were stupid, vain, or conceited? Would that have been okay? I doubt that it would have been as well received as "boys stink." All the guys there just kind of laugh and say "yeah, whatever."

It seems though in our society today that it is more acceptable all the time to belittle men in the same way that if directed towards women most would call sexist.

It reminded me of my last trip to Hawaii. On the island of Maui, we found a little shop called David and Goliath. It had lots of funny stuff and a lot that was maybe not so funny and some stuff that was just gross. But I bring this up because they had one particular line of t-shirts, magnets, cards, posters, etc that emphasized that boys are inferior to girls. Are these products meant to boost girl's self-esteem? If so I'm afraid that they are going about it the wrong way.

I am curious to see what you have to say. So tell me if you think this harmless and there is nothing to worry about, or if this is something that should not be accepted.

I Might Be Vain (or Maybe Not)

Last Monday I had Family Home Evening at my house. A group of 30 - 40ish singles in my ward get together every other Monday to have our own little FHE. We had a great time although the order was a little messed up. We started with treats thanks to Lindsay, followed by a short story/lesson/thought. Then it was time for a little Wii Sports competition which sadly I did the worst at. That was even with Molly who had broken her right arm and had it in a sling. (I did do okay at tennis but that was from my hours of practice.) Towards the end of the evening as the crowd was dwindling, I was playing a little of my new music on my computer for Lindsay and Molly to check out. I couldn't help notice as we were talking that Lindsay had a puzzled look as she checked out my computer. I immediately knew what was going on. It wasn't too long before she had to ask me about the "makeup" mirror sitting on my computer. She opened with "I know you're well groomed and all. But really?" It's true. I do have a small mirror sitting on my computer but no it is not to gaze upon my face. Rather than explain I thought I would just show Lindsay what it's purpose is. So I had her sit at my desk and move up like she was going to work on the computer. I said "now look in the mirror." Ah ha! I could see the light bulb turn on over her head. You see, when I sit at my computer, my television is directly behind my head. After several weeks of my neck hurting when I constantly turn to see what's on, I finally decided that I need to be creative. Thus the mirror. The funny thing is that Lindsay was not the first to give me this reaction. It's happened several times. You might think that would make me hide the mirror when I have company. Well, apparently, it's just the exact opposite because now I've even blogged about it.

San Francisco Tour Guide Extraordinaire - BriAnne

BriAnne is my niece. She's 18 and the world is her's! So this story really should come as no surprise to anyone that knows her. This photo was taken shortly after this story.

It was 4th of July just after the sun had gone down, when Nick and I stopped our shopping. As we walked out of the sunglass store, who do we run into? BriAnne. But she was not alone. Accompanying her was a large black guy to whom she had been giving directions. Just as we found her, this guy was trying to give her a hug for helping him find Lou's Bar. Here was our conversation.

Me: Hi Bri. What's going on?

BriAnne: I was just helping him (the large black guy) find Lou's bar.

Me: How did you know where Lou's was? (I had been up and down that street so many times and I had no idea where it was.)

BriAnne: It's just right there. (She pointed. Then she guestured that he wanted to give her a hug.)

Me (Maybe Over Protective Uncle): You really should not be out here after dark alone. Nick and I were just one street over and ran into a woman without her shirt and a drunk santa clause.

To which she pretty much shrugged her shoulders. Oh to be young and fearless!

It's Just the Circle of Life

While we were at the Aquarium at the Bay on Pier 39 in San Francisco, I overheard a conversation that I found interesting and a little humorous. I thought that I should share it.

As soon as we gave the attendant our tickets, we turned the corner and there were several exhibits to view before heading to the the under-water tunnels. One of those exhibits was a video about sharks similar to the video shown above. The video had a warning that it was violent. It quickly became apparent as the killer shark created a bloody mess by attacking a seal. The interesting part came from a mother and daughter also viewing the video. Here's how their conversation went:

Daughter: Did that shark just eat a seal?!

Mother: It wasn't a seal. It's not real.

Another Viewer: Yeah, the shark just ate a seal.

Mother: Okay, it was a seal and it's real but it's the circle of life. See even the birds are doing it (eating the left over seal.)

Somehow I don't find it more comforting to know that even the seagulls feed on seals. I don't know what the mother was trying to accomplish but I'm afraid that she probably only further traumatized her daughter. Now her daughter knows that her mother will easily lie about things that don't really matter. But more scary than that, I fear that she might have nightmares of being attacked not only by sharks but also by seagulls. Eeek! But hey if she got attacked wouldn't it really just be "the circle of life?"

Thank You Notes

Today I was reading through my normal blog subscriptions. One of which is LifeHacker. They had a nice link to an article called "How To Write an Effective Thank You Note for Any Occasion." It reminded me of the importances of sending thank you notes.

The first time I remember getting good exposure to thank you notes (at least the first time that it sunk in) and their benefit. It was while I was on my mission in Canada Halifax. My mission companion at the time was Elder Brooks. While we served together he was constantly writing thank you notes to members when they would feed us, to our investigators, and anyone else whenever a thank you was warranted.

When I got transferred to my new area and I was with a new elder, I thought that I would try out his process. So When Sister MacKenzie delivered a fresh loaf of homemade bread to the local elders, I responded by writing a nice thank you note in return. I didn't think too much of it until later she told us that she had made ten loaves of bread to share with others. She informed us that we were the only ones to return a thank you note. She told us that it reminded her of the story of the ten lepers that were healed and only one turned to give thanks. That experience made an impression on me and helped to me to see the value of sending thank you notes.

Since then my sister, Tammy, has been a great example. She is always sending thank you notes for everything no matter how small. And I gotta say that it makes me want to help her out more because she is such a gracious receiver.

So with that, I'm going to be better at expressing my written thanks.

The Dangers of a New Razor

If you know me, you know that I love a bargain. Well what could be better than a free item then, right?! So several times I see these deals online where you can fill out a form and get a free razor. And when I say several times, I mean it. My bathroom shelf has about a dozen razors just waiting the be opened. I'm not particular about the brand or the model. After all, aren't all razors pretty much the same? To that I now say, "No!"

Several weeks ago on a Sunday I was getting ready for church. My old razor was getting a little dull and I decided it was time to break into the razor stash. Not really paying attention I grabbed the one on top, ripped it open, and proceeded with my twice-a-week shave. This is how it works. I get my face wet with warm/hot water. Then comes the shaving cream which I lather up smoothing it over my neck, chin, cheeks, upper lip, and even into my sideburns. (I don't want to miss anyplace.) Then I began my shave just like always only I was noticing how nicely the razor slid over my skin with fresh blades. I was pretty much done with only my sideburn area left. As I mentioned I like to get the shaving cream up into my sideburns so that I can get a clean line. I normally just turn the razor around and use the back side to flatten out the hair and pull the shaving cream down to wear I want my sideburns to end. To my horror I found a little too late that the back of this razor included another blade on the back! Aghhhh! Fortunately I had some sideburn left. I evened out the other side and was glad that the burns were not short to begin with. So while I may have saved a few bucks, I lost about an inch.

Somethings Go Without Saying

I mean really?!

Why Drink Diet?

Today at work I thought I was being helpful when I went to restock the fridge with Diet Dr Pepper. Normally the cases are left on the floor by the fridge but today the extras were stacked on top of it. I grabbed the ever popular case of diet DP only to find out that the handle was torn and quickly tearing even faster. I tried to help it slowly fall to the floor hoping that I could minimize the crash. As the case hit the floor one can popped open and began to spray all over, followed by another, and another, and another. Until all but three lonely cans had broken open and spewed forth. Needless to say I attracted a lot of attention in the office and fortunately some help in cleaning up. We found soda on the carpet, on the wall, the whiteboard, the cubicles, and even the ceiling. Good thing it was diet or we really would have had a big mess. But on the plus side everyone indulged in a little afternoon soda from the cans that didn't fully explode.

Fuji Finepix Z10FD

I've done it! After years of using a hand-me-down digital camera, I've taken a big step forward purchasing my first-owner camera. I initally ordered it on Oct 16th through Amazon for $175.25. I was suprised to see that it wasn't going to ship until Oct 22nd. So I started looking around at other merchants. I found it listed on Buy.com for $165.99 and another $10 off if you use Google Checkout for the first time. Since Amazon was taking so long I thought I'd cancel my order with them and put one in with Buy.com. I did that on Oct 18th and to my surprise, it shipped on the 19th and is supposed to be at my home on Tuesday (23rd). Take that Amazon! They had me scheduled to receive the camera by Nov 2nd.

It seems like a good camera with some cool new features. I'm sure I'll write more about it once I get familar with it. And it should help make some good new posts!

The Truth About Rebates

(At least the truth about this rebate)

So earlier this summer I noticed that fan on my power supply of my home computer was not spinning. After checking with my support technician, I decided that I needed to bite the bullet and go ahead and get a new power supply before my old one caused serious damage to the rest of my system. I found a deal on one of my favorite "deal" sites that I check daily: Ben's Bargains. It was an Antec Basiq 500 Watt Power Supply for $40 after two separate $20 rebates. So I bought it.

I got it home and got it installed. It was working beautifully. The problem for me was that I didn't follow my normal procedure and fill of the rebate forms immediately. Several days went by and the box to my new power supply was sitting on my counter just waiting for me to cut out the UPC. Apparently I waited long enough so that I didn't give it a second thought when I threw it out while cleaning house. Of course the next day was garbage day and the box with it's UPC barcode was long gone.

After beating myself up over and over about it, I came up with a plan. I would go back to Circuit City and ask them if I could get a photo copy of the UPC barcode. At least, I could get one of the rebate checks. (The other required the original UPC.) They obliged fortunately. In fact after I explained the story, one of the helpful salesmen suggested that I try sending in a copied UPC with the rebate that required the original. After all I was already out $20. So what was another 41 cents for a stamp.

I submitted both of the rebate forms with copies of the UPC barcode and then tried to forget about them. So you can imagine my surprise when I received both rebates in the mail. Maybe this doesn't happen most of the time. Maybe it was just good luck. But if I ever find myself in this situation again, you can be assured that I will try it again.